the past 1o months have been both happy and sad. i've learned so much about myself; what i like and don't like, what boundaries i have, what i want out of life... all thanks to him.
breaking up with someone is hard to do, they say. and i'd agree. but they also say that some of the best decisions you make in life are going to be the hardest. those are the decisions that will mold and shape the rest of your life. and so, i don't look back. i don't regret. i face the future head-on, knowing that this time i'll be the woman i know i am, not the woman he wants me to be.
when we first started dating, i didn't know what i wanted. i didn't know where i wanted to be in the next month, much less the next 5 years. i was "lost" per say. i met him, and he took the reins. he guided me to his side of the train tracks that i was unfamiliar with. he kept me company, saying he loved me, held me, told me that everything was going to be ok. i trusted him. and then he broke my heart... he told me he was sorry, that he only wanted me. i believed him, like a fool. this went on for months. i noticed things that should have worried me. my family, my friends, were all afraid for me. said that he's not what i want.. that he's not what i need. i didn't believe them. i thought i knew best.
and now i know that he's not what i wanted, not at all what i needed. he covered a spot in my life that i should have looked for myself. but in many ways he has helped me. without him, i wouldn't know that i hate waking up to cigarette smoke. i wouldn't know that i NEED someone who shares my beliefs and my goals. i wouldn't know that i actually hate the smell of coffee. lol he has his good points, sure. but what guy doesn't? he made me question life, and i have come out stronger on the other side for it.
i don't regret a thing i did with him. he brought out a side of me that's more stubborn in getting what i want and need, and a side that thinks about decisions before i make them. i needed that. so i am grateful to him. i wish he knew that. i wonder if he ever will.
It sounds like you walked a path that wasn't easy. But I'm proud of you for your determination to want better, to choose better for yourself. You have always been an amazing and strong girl. Unfortunately, that means we often have to learn our lessons for ourselves. Hard, but what's wonderful to me is that the Lord is aware of that and uses our bad decisions for good. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteI <3 you Ginephurr! I am soooo proud of you! You have come far in the last little while. I am super excited/happy that we are roommates again. yay!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you and know you will learn as you go. Life isn't easy, and we all learn daily. I hope you know that even though we are a long distance away, we are still very close, only a phone call, message, email, text,and Facebook away. ;) Family can be blood, related through marriage, or those you trust with your life, we are PROUD of you and will support you.
ReplyDeleteNamaste Jen!